This past month has been really great. As much as I hate being in a pit, I love when God takes me out of it.
Out of my shame.
Out of my contempt.
Into His arms.
Whispering to my soul, saying to me exactly what I need.
Hugging me where I’m at.
Tending my wounds & helping me move forward.
If you ran into me on the street and asked me about my blog I would probably shift my eyes down and break into a sweat. You see, it’s easy for me to tell parts of my story to people I am close to, or people I’ll never meet, but to think that those that know the “surface” me are talking about a big part of my life story….that’s where I want to run and hide. It’s a vulnerable place to be, and for a person who loves to control things – it’s not very easy. I can’t control your thoughts of me.
I have found myself over the years begging God to use me in His will….whenever and wherever. (Literally those words are written in my journal from 10 years ago.) Never imagining that I would be a 30-something mom struggling with anxiety. (That resigned from my church to raise my kids and get my anxiety under control.)
Then tell me that I’m going to share that around the world and people who know me will read this?
They’ll see my faults.
What will they think?
What will they say?
That’s exactly what shouldn’t matter if I’m truly satisfied in Christ, right!?
The guilt gets bigger.
It’s a cycle that only God can break me free from.
If my openness can help you draw closer to God, then it’s worth it. (Although my stomach is in knots!)
I hope you stay and walk through this with me….all of us to freedom!
What sends you into cold sweats? Is it easy for you to share your story with the people around you? How ’bout even with the people closest to you?