Emotions flying high, daily headaches, inner ear issues, and the looming MRI checkup shut me down. Forgive me for not writing sooner. I feel like I’ve avoided all of you…..I went off of my email, facebook, twitter, Instagram, everything.
For weeks I have missed you. I opened my computer to write and no words were given. It’s been my prayer that my blog has a purpose and that the words be from God or God honoring.
The constant headaches and loss of our baby earlier this summer hit me hard and I found myself getting a angry. I never questioned my faith, or asked why too many times, it was more begging for healing and answers. 10 years ago I was distance running and physically fit. Now I feel like every year my body is falling apart more and more with physical issues and medication side effects. Let alone fearing another miscarriage.
Frustrated and at my whits end I begged day after day for healing. I swung like a pendulum praying and distracting myself with Netflix. Feeling guilt when I just wanted to numb myself and step away. My eyes hurting too much to watch, I would listen.
I feel like I’ve been healed deep inside and physically. I have not had a headache in a week!
I will continue to be nervous when I get my annual MRI or frustrated that the less I eat and the more I exercise the more weight I seem to gain on this medicine. (My vanity takes over and I’m nervous to meet many of my friends at the Influence Conference since my clothes no longer fit.)
I have daily tears and frustration trying to figure out what is going on and move forward. God has me here and has given me this voice for this moment in time. I’m sure I’m not the only one with these feelings or physical issues.
I only need to look at my daily decisions and know what I am doing is healthy. The rest will be figured out soon enough.
Hopefully you’re reading this and feeling encouraged that God is faithful. He can heal.
As I wrap up this not-so-edited post know that I appreciate all of you and that I’m going to be slowly figuring out what each day is supposed to look like.
We are not expected to “do it all” – that’s the biggest lie we can believe in our generation. May God reveal to you daily what He desires for you.