I am writing about what I’ve gleaned from this past weekend at the Influence Conference. I understand most of you were not able to attend. Please know that what I’m writing also applies to everyday life, & there will be more.
Excited to sing to the God who walks with me in my daily mess I walked to the front of the room the last evening of the conference and sat down. The music filled the air and the first few words caused tears to streak down my cheeks. A few tears led the charge for full streams. It was then the thought crossed my mind that I should’ve sat in the back. Hidden in the darkness, alone. No one to see my ugly cry.
And then a nudge deep in my heart reminded me,
my “ugly” cry was only ugly to me and not to God.
The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. ~ Psalm 34:17
That’s what He wanted. God wanted me to recognize that I was at the end of my rope. I was tired of trying to heal myself. He desired me to know and admit that all I had left was Him. Sobbing, I approached a few friends and prayed. I felt like my heart was breaking. Breaking for myself, the women in the room and women all over the world (more on that later).
Broken & Hopeful
No longer numb, I was able to grieve the moments that brought me pain in the last few years. As I choked out words of praise, my heart began to show renewed hope. I was able to truly praise the God Who gives us hope and joy in the midst of pain. (I’m not saying the pain is gone, but having hope in the middle of brokeness).
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. ~ Psalm 34:18
By the end of the evening, my sweaty bangs clung to my forehead and makeup sat puddled below my eyes. Nerves and feelings of inadequacy didn’t stop me from approaching the other women of God I had just sung in unity with. After all, we are all the same. People in need of a Savior, people clinging to Jesus.
Those moments in song will forever be hidden in my heart.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV