Today I decided to change the old adage, “I’m not getting any younger” to “I refuse to act older”. As I near 40 (& yes, I realize that’s old to some, and young to others), I’ve decided to stop worrying about being a bit silly, and what others may think. In fact, the other day I was at my sister’s house and I snuck out to the driveway to play with the kids’ skateboards and Razor scooters. When I got busted, the camera got pulled out and my husband joined in. This was a moment of true silliness and joy. I felt like I was 8 again, riding my scooter to the local soda shop. In fact, I actually moved forward on a skateboard for the first time in my life! It was a brilliant moment that will shine in my memory for ages.
It was fun and beautiful until I asked to see the pictures.
My sister passed me her phone and I saw the captured moments, our smiles. & then it happened…
I noticed how my body looked and became embarrassed. I wanted to keep the pictures to remember the moment, but at the same time, run away and delete the picture because the shirt I wore was billowing a bit more than I would like.
I immediately started shaming my body. I know the verses that talks about how God has made our bodies beautifully. In fact, I have shared those with women multiple times, but you see, I still need to remind myself of them, and truly take them to heart.
The old me would have taken down the picture, stared at it trying to figure out how I allowed myself to “fall apart”, and sat in a trap of shame and embarrassment. I may have run to the bathroom and sucked in my stomach at every angle, patting, pushing and pinching the parts I do not like. I may have even snuck some chocolate chips and sat down to a show on Netflix trying to forget.
Instead, this day I chose to make the picture my FB background and continue to make healthy choices both in my heart, and in my daily diet.
Instead, this day, I choose to be grateful and amazed how God has made my body to push out 3 babies, survive a brain tumor, and continue to heal.
This day I will take note on how God is gently taking me down this journey, showing me the areas where I turn to food or shame for comfort, rather than to Him.
This day I will take the time to plan, and work on self-control in the busy moments of life. (I love to control things, but I’m not so good at it when left to my own desires.)
I’m back here again sharing more of my journey toward physical and spiritual health. Join me, will you?
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